Mom's best friend is called uggs for cheap Palmyra. Everybody calls her Pam. She's fatter than Mom, so Mom feels good around her. Mom's other friends are slimmer. They're not her best friends.

Pam's here. Three counties hear her cheap uggs bellowing at the sheriff's secretary. 'Lord, where is he? Eileena, have you seen Vern? Hey, love the hair!'

'Not too frisky?' tweets Eileena.

'Lord no, the brown really suits you.'

You have to like Palmyra, I guess, not that you'd want uggs outlet to imagine her humping or anything. She has a lemon-fresh lack of knives about her. What she does is eat.

'Have you fed him?'

'I think Vaine ugg boots outlet bought ribs,' says Eileena.

'Vaine Gurie? She's supposed to be on the Pritikin diet - Barry'll have a truck!'

'Good-night, she damn near lives at Bar-B-Chew Barn!'

'Oh good Lord.'

'Vernon's in Nike High Heels there, Pam,' says Eileena. 'You better wait outside.'

So the door flies open. Pam wobbles in, bolt upright like she has books on her head. It's on account of her center of gravity. 'Vernie, you eatin rebs? What did you eat today?'

'Breakfast.'

'Oh Lord, we better goNike High Heelsby the Barn.' Doesn't matter what you tell her, she's going by Bar-B-Chew Barn, believe me.

'I can't, Pam, I have to stay.'

'Malarkey, come on now.' She tugs my elbow. The force of it recommends the floor to my feet. 'Eileena, I'm taking Vern - you tell Vaine Gurie this boy ain't eaten, I'm double-parked out Nike High Heels front, and she better hide some pounds before I see Barry.'

'Leave him, Pam, Vaine ain't through …'

'I don't see no handcuffs, and a childNike High Heelshas a right to eat.' Pam's voice starts to rattle furniture.

'I don't make the rules,' says Eileena. 'I'm just sayin …'

'Vaine can't hold him - you know ugg boots clearance that. We're gone,' says Pam. 'Love your hair.'

Eileena's sigh follows us down the hallway. My ears flick around for signs of Gurie or the sheriff, but the offices seem empty; the sheriff's offices that is. Next thing you know, I'm halfway out ofuggs clearanceuggs outletuggs outletugg boots clearanceUGG Boots Overstock the building in Palmyra's gravity-field. You just can't argue with this much modern woman, I tell you.

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